Oh, What A Tangled Web We Weave
by TardisInWonderland
Summary: "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." River wonders about her identity and the Doctor wonders about River. Angsty fluff/ fluffy agnst, if there is such a thing...


_Ok, this was written for the same ficathon as "Reflecting on Love" was written for. This is just a random one shot sometime shorty after AGMGTW and Let's Kill Hitler, with **no relation whatsoever** to any of my other stories._

As the stars blink over the surface of a distant planet, a lone figure makes her way across the blank expanse of the beach. She isn't running this time, not from anyone but herself, but her white dress makes her very visible in even the blackest part of night, and she stops for a moment to stare up at the stars. Her curly hair flaps in her face, but she doesn't care, and she is so lost in thought and the sound of the waves that she doesn't notice the grinding noise behind her.

To the people of this planet, she was an anomaly, a ghost, a legend… and occasional occurrence that nobody liked to talk about. A mysterious woman with no past and no future, wandering the beaches next to where the sea caves opened their craggy mouths to the black of the night and the lap of the shallow waters. Sometimes the people told stories about her- she came often, usually once a month, when the three moons in the sky were black, and the stars that filled the never ending sky were the only light. They say she is looking for someone, a lost lover, a family member long gone, or perhaps just for herself. She never seems to age, say the people who have seen her closely, and though she seems as human as you or I, that is why she is remembered as a ghost.

She closes her eyes and lets the waves lap up and wet the hem of her ankle length dress, making the light fabric weigh slightly more than it should. Her toes are slowly buried in the sand, and the salt air is fresh and clean in her nostrils as she breathes in deeply. Then her eyes snap open again, because she realizes she's _thinking_.

River Song never liked having too much time to think. Thinking too much makes her sad nowadays. Especially on nights like these. She was here because she didn't have anywhere better to me, and a trip to this planet always reminded her of the best trip she'd ever had with the Doctor. It was here, on this beach, after running from aliens and being chased halfway across the planet. They camped out in those sea caves for the night, and they'd named the stars until they fell asleep. The Doctor knew every star, and these stars especially always reminded her of him.

She doesn't hear the approaching footsteps behind her, and she jumps when she feels a gentle hand on her shoulder, thinking of attacking the intruder, but then she recognizes the smell- very peculiar, like ozone and motor oil all mixed together. And she sees the tweed on his arms. And she feels the hesitation in his touch.

"Hello, Doctor." She said without turning.

"Hello." He starts to move his hand, but she reaches up to move it back to its original position. He feels a blush creeping up his cheeks, still not used to being in close proximity to her. Or rather, not used to how being close to her makes him feel. "So."

"So." River seemed to have little desire to continue the conversation. The Doctor cleared his throat and hesitantly continued.

"Well, the TARDIS sort of… brought me here…" She laughed, a light, happy sound, and gave a smile that actually reached her eyes.

"It usually does that, sweetie. She has her ways, and her reasons." She lifted her feet from the water and brought her eyes from the sky to walk up the beach towards the box. The Doctor stood for a moment, dazed from watching this white clad figure move with a ghostly beauty, and then shook his head and followed her. He knew he shouldn't get involved. Somehow, though, that never seemed to work out... especially if the TARDIS had anything to say about it.

The two travelers stepped into the box, finding it as he'd left it- completely empty except for the sound of the engines.

"Why did you bring him to me, old girl?" River crooned, her back to the Doctor and the doors, one hand on the console. She talked to the TARDIS just as much as he did sometimes. "What were you talking to her about before you came here?" She didn't turn around, which the Doctor was thankful for, because his face turned an even deeper shade of red.

"Um, well… just saying how it was a bit… quiet around here…" Amy and Rory were back at home with the smaller version of River, and he was alone again. She turned, amused.

"So you're getting lonely." River patted the console and walked towards him. He backed up from her more with every step she took, but very soon he was pressed against the TARDIS doors, which were conveniently locked. River stopped and stood several feet from him, searching his eyes. "What's wrong? Doctor… where are we?" He averted his eyes and avoided answering. He couldn't take looking at her for too long for fear the feelings inside him would cause him to explode. He risked a glance and looked her up and down, contemplating. Who was she? Why wouldn't she tell him more? But his wonderings were interrupted by other, less intellectual thoughts. Thoughts about how lovely her smile was when she teased him, and how beautiful she looked in that dress, and how clever she was all the time, and how odd it was for him to be thinking all this, and suddenly she'd moved from across the room to standing within inches of him and looking straight up into his eyes.

"Doctor? Are you alright?" Her hand came up and cupped his chin, forcing him to look at her. By now she was almost pressed against him, very much inside the 'too close for this early' boundary. And very much aware that he was

"Fairly early." Their lips only centimeters apart, he could smell her breath, and when his mouth opened slightly to reply, he could taste it on his tongue. Her eyes dropped and she stepped back, biting her lip guiltily.

How was he to resist?

Somehow their mouths met and he kissed her fiercely, so fiercely that she didn't think about how early it was for him. She never hesitated, not for a second. The Doctor's arms moved of their own accord to pull her even closer, and her arms snaked around his neck. Suddenly, though, the Doctor broke the kiss, gasping.

"I'm sorry. I- I shouldn't have…" Time could be rewritten- the heartache didn't have to happen again, not for her. Not as it would to him someday. Also, he really didn't want to be skewered and roasted on an angry Roman's sword. River drew a shaky breath and stepped back, nodding. Then she turned and walked down one of the hallways, her eyes stinging just a tiny bit. The Doctor shook his head for no one in particular. The last thing he'd wanted to do was hurt her… He took off after her, catching up to her in the middle of a long corridor.

"River, wait." She turned and pressed a finger to his lips.

"Shhh. It's alright, love. I understand- you don't know me." He looked into her eyes pleadingly.

"Then tell me who you are so I _can_ know you." She almost laughed at that. It shouldn't be the kind of thing that strikes someone as funny, but this does.

"You're asking me who I am? I'm not sure _I_ even know anymore."

"What are you talking about? You're River Song, you're-"

"Exactly. I'm River Song. It's only a name in the end." She smiled sadly. "When people travel with you they lose a sense of identity, more so in my case. My timeline is so out of shape that I'm surprised it's recognizable at all. How can you identify yourself in a world where other people can't even identify you? How can I keep going like this, branded with a thousand names and everything slipping away from me, when I know that one day the people I love the most-" She stopped herself. River wasn't one for hysterics, especially not around the Doctor. He looked down at her, trying to find the end of that sentence in her eyes. It never came.

You see, for River Song, life was both forwards and backwards, both a nightmare and a dream. She was moving towards her end while everyone else seemed to be working backwards towards her beginning. Sometimes her parents stayed linear for a while, but she knew eventually that, too, would fade. And how was she to keep her own identity if the very things that gave it to her were slipping through her fingers… and there was nothing she could do about it.

"River, I… I can't pretend I understand what you're feeling. But I can tell you that I know what it's like to lose people, and I most definitely do not want to lose you." The pain in her chest lessened just a tiny bit. "So… who are you?"

"Hmm… that depends on you." She studied his face for a moment before he managed to grasp what she was saying.

"I already know about Amy and Rory. I don't need to know that- I want to know who you are _to_ _me_." River walked around him slowly, looking him up and down, wondering if he really felt like she thought he did, or if… if he was just curious. Well, there was only one way to find out. There was something she could say, something more powerful than anything else spoken, and if he responded… She leaned close to him and whispered in his ear, her breath tickling the hairs on his cheek. One of her hands gripped his and brought it to rest on top of her other one as she did so, and he suddenly tightened his hold on it.

He stood for a moment, not quite sure what to do, fighting the battle between raw emotion and instinct and common sense. The Doctor wasn't sure which side had won out until he had River pinned against the wall, his mouth pressed against hers, body flush up against him.

Her arms wrapped around him and her fingers brushed through his hair, but gently, as if she was afraid of what might happen… or what might not happen. However, between kisses the Doctor murmured something into her mouth, something barely audible but voiced very well with this mind, that made her fears both swell and vanish. Vanish because it let her know in a way, he was still her Doctor, and swell because she never expected to hear it again, not for a very long time… if ever again.

In that single, tiny spark of a second, River didn't question who she was anymore. She was River Song, she was Melody Pond, she was Amy's daughter, she was the Doctor's friend and lover, and she had brought herself to whatever journey she was taking now. Circumstances didn't create her- she had created her circumstances. She was River- the walking paradox, the water flowing through the desert, the eye of the hurricane, the lightning that causes the thunder to crash- and she knew that would never change. And that, in her mind, made her more herself than anyone or anything ever could.

Everything that happened next happened in the heat of the moment. All in a whirl of passion and fire that flooded both of them until they could no longer contain it, and it boiled over the top, needing to be felt. Needing to be shared. These moments were characterized my small things- fingers tangling lovingly in thick, curly hair, soft kisses placed on a sharp jaw line, tender touches and sweet words… and when they awoke the next morning to the heat of a warm body and a tangle of cloth, neither regretted their twisted lives.

For the words she had whispered his ear did not move mountains, did not shatter worlds, did not cause skies to fall or armies to run, well, not in most cases. Because as she had moved his hand, she'd caused him to feel the ring on her left hand, and what she whispered was not his name, but just as meaningful and perhaps more significant…

She had simply whispered, "I love you."

**Please review? Please?**


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